A Big Fat Not So White Lie
“I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” Friedrich Nietzsche, Scholar, philosopher, critic of culture
One of the most stringent rules of any rehabilitation program is “Tell the truth.” It’s needed to help the client heal. There are lies you tell yourself and lies you tell others.
As parents of a growing son, this was our family theme. No lies. Tell the truth, no matter how disturbing and you may get a pardon. Lie to us and you get “life in prison without parole.” Why? If you lie to me, you’ve cheated me of my right to make an informed decision. If you lie to me, I can never trust you again.
Lisa, a woman who loved her husband deeply and trusted him with all her being, wrote this after she discovered him in their bed with another woman:
“Your lies fling themselves like ragged stones into the stream of my life
And, like a glacier, I am suddenly frozen in space
While just outside the crust of ice immobilizing my heart
The warmth of loving truth stands, crystals away from melting my tomb.”
Sometimes lies are woven from half-truths. Sometimes silence lies. In our lives, we make a difference between what we call “fibs,” those lies meant to heal rather than hurt. You know, the one you tell when a friend who looks terrible in a new haircut asks “What do you think?” Truth serves no purpose so we smile and say kindly, “It looks nice.” We know our friend’s hair will grow out.
But lies can destroy. Lies can slander an innocent person. Lies combined with gossip can ruin someone’s career. Lies can end a marriage. Lies can destroy a country.
What’s frightening about lies is that just one can ruin your life. One lie can destroy your reputation as an honest person. One lie and I can’t believe you anymore.
Lisa left her husband and, in spite of his repeated pleas for her to return, she never returned. She still loved him passionately, she told friends, but she feared his lies.
Meditation for the Day
The biggest liar in the world is: “They say.” Douglas Malloch
Action for the Day
Whenever I am tempted to inflate, evade, twist or destroy the truth, I will remember, One lie can burn my bridges with those who want and need to trust me.
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