An Open Letter to My Daughter-in-Law
‘Daughter-in-law, you’ve added to our family a warm and charming touch.” From Friends, in-laws and Outlaws, online blog
Today, my son and your husband is in danger and we hold him in our prayers and you speak of your love and dedication to him, and gratitude for the wonderful father he is to his and your two little girls… and for this, I will always love you and be grateful to you.
Our relationship was not always thus. It seemed we misunderstood everything we ever said to each other from Day One; I wonder if all the bad jokes about mother in laws and daughter in laws arise from similar misunderstandings. Or help to cause them.
When the two of you eloped, not alerting, or inviting his father or me, we felt bruised — and worried for our son. Later, when we didn’t seem to fit into our son’s life anymore, we felt isolated from him and were worried for our son who was isolated from…us.
We tried to understand and couldn’t. From our pain, his father and I both said things we shouldn’t have. Still, we did say this as well: we were more happy than you knew that he loved a woman as bright, as beautiful, as efficient, and family-oriented as you. We suspected our only son welcomed having such a large new family as your extended one.
However, the pain became unbearable when we were shut off from our grandchildren. “You are too old to be allowed to be with the grandchildren alone” broke our hearts and puzzled us. I’d had a grandparent over 90 who still babysat occasionally. Our son’s grandfather, 82, taught him how to safely handle a BB gun. We are young, we cried.
Now that my son and your husband are suffering so much; we finally share him as we never did for five sad years.
I repeat today what I said the first day I heard you married my son, “I never had a daughter; I hope I can be a mother to you, too.” And today, I add: Bless you for loving my son as much as he sincerely loves you and for being there when he needs you.
Meditation for the Day
To new brides: You are not gaining an adversary, you are gaining the woman who can tell you how to cook your new husband’s favorite meal.
Action for the Day
I will embrace my daughter in law or mother in law and work at a cooperative accepting relationship; we both want him safe and well and that bonds us in common goals.
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