Aren’t you cured yet?
The first few years of my sobriety, in order to protect it, I pretty much stayed with in the confines of AA. I had a job and all that, but I pretty much restricted my social life to the fellowship of AA and those people in recovery. If I dated a civilian, I made sure she understood my situation up front. I didn’t make a big issue out of it. I wanted her to know so we could avoid any embarrassing situations for her. If we were in a situation where I was offered an alcoholic drink, I would politely say no thank you. If pressed, I would just say I don’t drink and drive and asked that she would just agree with my answer.
If I happened to be at a family function, they would automatically offer me a soft drink. Since they were well aware of my condition, I guess they did not want to put me in the situation of having to choose. I also think that did not know what to do or say if I accepted their offer of an alcoholic drink. There were times I was offended by their actions. I know they had my best interest at heart, but I would have preferred being treated as a normal human being and been given the opportunity to say no thank you. God knows there were certainly other family members around that should have been offered a soft drink as well.
So other than me getting occasionally upset for not being given the no thanks option, there was little fanfare regarding me being an alcoholic. Outside of my friends in AA I don’t think most people understood it. The ones that knew me drunk were happy that I didn’t drink anymore and left it at that. Others came to accept the fact that I just didn’t drink. By the way, all this was fine by me. It was until later on in my sobriety did people start asking if I was cured yet.
The more comfortable I was with my sobriety and myself the more I was willing to share the fact that I was a recovery alcoholic. These disclosures by me were done in the context of an appropriate situation or conversation. It was not something I was shouting from the rooftops for all to hear. After hearing the amount of time I had sober, people were surprised to learn that I still did not drink. I would get comments like, “After all these years why can’t you have just one?” “After all this time and experience in AA, shouldn’t you be able control it.” The easiest way for me to explain why was to compare alcoholism to any other disease or allergy without a cure. For example, if you know someone will have a as a severe allergic reaction to peanuts you don’t offered them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then why they can’t just have just one, when they say no thank you.
I guess I must be into the third phase of my public sobriety. Now people who are unaware of my situation will just make some comment like, “Oh you don’t drink.” and when I respond, “No I don’t.” The usual response is, “Really, Nothing at all!” And I respond, “No nothing.” Generally it ends there. I don’t hide the fact that I’m a recovering alcoholic, but unless there is some relevance to my disclosing that fact, I leave just as it is. With a polite and confident, No Thank You. Even if I end up revealing my alcoholism, no one seems to inquire if I cured yet. I can only hope we have a more educated society regarding addiction and substance. I would hate to think that the society as a whole as become that apathetic and no one cares enough to asked whether I’m cured or not.
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