Reaching Out
“Being strong means knowing when you need help, and knowing how to reach out to others for it.” www.advicesisters.com
The best of AA or NA or Alanon meetings offer the chance to reach out to others without shame or criticism. The worst break confidentiality, some interrupt while someone is sharing their story and some may patronize young members.
I can hear some members screaming “foul”. “No criticism allowed” seems to be the rule in some groups. But AA isn’t a cult; it’s a self help group where members must trust and respect one another. One other blessing it brings is that it helps practice social skills.
Reaching out can be a generous, kindly act. It can also be an act so self centered that you don’t realize the other person is even there. But anyone can learn social skills. Let’s look at Terry and Jard, both under thirty. Both are alcoholics in recovery.
Movin’ On
“When the door of happiness closes, another opens. But often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.” Unknown
Living the Life
“You play the hand you’re dealt. I think the game’s worthwhile.” Christopher Reeve
Love and Food
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” Calvin Trillin cartoonist
Everywhere you look these days, you see the term “comfort food.” What’s really a hoot is that the chefs and cookbook writers are right. Depending on your early days, certain kinds of food does comfort you. If you’ve ever run to the pantry to get a bowl of cereal and cold milk at midnight, you get it. Left over pizza at 8 a.m.? Ditto.
Let’s say it’s been a hard day at work and the drive home was a rough trip. You run in the house and everyone is hungry and a bit grumpy. Quick. Grab something you liked as a kid! My favorite? Grilled cheese and tomato soup. My sweeties’ favorite? Hot cocoa and Peanut and Jelly Sandwiches. The man has a sweet tooth.
The Ultimate Gift
“I’ve always thought a hotel ought to offer optional small animals. I mean a cat to sleep on your bed at night, or a dog of some kind to act pleased when you come in. You ever notice how a hotel room feels so lifeless?” Anne Tyler, The Accidental Tourist
Ruby and Elmer are Golden Retrievers who earn their Kibble. Each Thursday, they put on their red and yellow uniforms and trot off to work. The two dogs visit rehabilitation hospitals and nursing homes for the elderly.
Into the Future 101
“The human mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” Oliver Wendell Holmes 1809-1894; US writer, teacher
Did you ever think of how each day is a new beginning and how it is also a bridge to the future?
Did I ever mention that I am nuts about movies? I love the visuals, the sounds, the ideas in them. I can watch the worst films ever made (Roy Rogers and his horse comes to mind) and the best. (Karasawa’s The Last Samurai’s right up there.) There are so many ‘bests” even the American Film Institute has a problem listing them.
But the most exciting to me are those that spelled out futures. Check out You Tube for a collage of the most exciting Future movies, although the producers of some pretty creative Future collages left out Michael Fox in “Back to the Future.” My other favorite? Blade Runner.
Aren’t I great!
“It is almost impossible to find those who admire us entirely lacking in taste. “ J. Petit-Senn, French Poet
There was once a little girl who tried very hard to please her parents. She never did. Each time she succeeded at something, and said, “Look at what I did. Isn’t that good?” they answered crudely, “Self praise stinks.”
I once saw a photo of Lily as a little girl. It showed a neglected, unloved, sad-eyed child. What her cruel parents did not know was this: Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglect. Their abuse taught Lily to neglect herself and her needs.
Another child, Leah, raised on praise and appreciation, has posture and eyes filled with confidence and independence. Both little girls deserved love and affection. Whichever you are, you always deserved love and affection and appreciation for who you are.
Nathaniel Branden, a pioneer in the study of self esteem, says “Raising self-esteem is more than a matter of eliminating negatives; it requires the attainment of positives.” That means it’s not enough to tell yourself that you’ll stop abusing yourself; it means you need to nurture yourself positively . . . to give you what you need.
Being Yourself
“I find the less you focus on your flaws, the better off you are. Be yourself and be glad of who you are. Michelle Pfeiffer, American Actress
We all do it. We often don’t know we are doing it. What is it?
We let someone else tell us who to be. You think I’m exaggerating? Okay. When was the last time you changed your outfit because someone said green was ugly, or red was only for Skinny Minnie’s — knowing that you are – well, not?
Or, have you ever started to say how much you like a certain kind of music and someone interrupts to say how terrible they think it is – and you back off from your choice?
Or, you find yourself with folks who “help you out” by outlining your ‘flaws’ and you think, “Oh God, he (or she) is right. I’m a dork.”. . . or worse?
Or, worst of all, have you ever allowed yourself to dislike someone you don’t really know because another person laid out a list of reasons why you should?
I almost did this recently. An elderly man new to our community moved into a nearby house. He sometimes sat on his porch, relaxing, maybe reading. A neighbor I like was eager to give me her opinion about him. “Oh, he’s a very bigoted and rude person. Mr. S. told me so. I wouldn’t get too friendly with him.”
A week later, my car broke down in our communal parking lot. As I stood watching my car being towed to the garage, John (Let’s call him) came and asked me what had happened. I told him and added that I was on my way to the market. I joked that I wished it had broken down on the end of the trip instead of the beginning. John immediately insisted on driving me to the market and wherever else I needed to go. After several hours of shopping and coffee, I did not see or hear any indication that he was anything but a man who was lonely and had serious health problems.
The most important thing we do for ourselves is to know and accept ourselves – and our own informed opinions.
Meditation for the Day
“Resolve to be yourself and know that one who finds himself loses his misery.” Matthew Arnold
Action for the Day
Today, I’ll check out my inner feelings whenever I feel that twinge of “dancing to someone else’s tune.” I’ll trust my ability to know myself and what that means.
A Big Fat Not So White Lie
“I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” Friedrich Nietzsche, Scholar, philosopher, critic of culture
One of the most stringent rules of any rehabilitation program is “Tell the truth.” It’s needed to help the client heal. There are lies you tell yourself and lies you tell others.
As parents of a growing son, this was our family theme. No lies. Tell the truth, no matter how disturbing and you may get a pardon. Lie to us and you get “life in prison without parole.” Why? If you lie to me, you’ve cheated me of my right to make an informed decision. If you lie to me, I can never trust you again.
I am a Camera
“I am a camera with its shutter open, quite passive, recording, not thinking.” Christopher Isherwood, author and dramatist
What would it be like to be a fly on the wall in someone else’s life?
Anyone with a camera — a little point and shoot, a manual with a huge zoom lens, or a Family Dollar five buck instant camera can know the answer. A camera is magic. You put your eye to the little glassed in hole in the back, or the viewer a digital camera offers and you’re in a whole new world. Sometimes, someone else’s world.
Once upon a time, a very shy man named William Gedney lived all alone in a coldwater apartment in a scruffy part of New York. Mr. Gedney was so quiet that no one seemed to know he was there; he spent hours pointing his camera out his window and towards the people on the streets below. He wrote in his notebooks that he was fascinated by how people shared space and time with each other yet were so apart. Anyone who’s ever felt even a moment of loneliness must understand this.
