Fall Leaves
Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn. Elizabeth Lawrence
Rosie, a gal who worked hard all her life, married to a cotton farmer who did the same, now lives in an area so remote she usually sees no one but family and her dog all day. When asked what she does, she says, “Nothing.” Pressed, she adds, “I worked hard all my life so now I’m a watcher. I watch birds and wild animals around our place. I watch the flowers and leaves. I watch the seasons come and go. That’s enough for me to do.”
For many folks, sitting and doing nothing is the hardest thing to do. We have all been taught to keep on rocking and rolling, often long past when our bodies say “Take a rest, kiddo”. All the accomplishments we see on television, achievements from dawn to dusk, help to make us feel like total failures if we are not hustling for tomorrow. Even when our hustling may be misguided. Sometimes, I think, we keep rocking and rolling in circles, landing up right where we started out.
Remember that childhood phrase, “Time out?” When children get so tired that they are pushed into overdrive, wise parents inject a “time out” — a rest period when the youngsters can rest their bodies and their adrenaline. Well, it’s not a bad idea.
Each day, when I hit the wall and need a break, I do what the kids do. I take a “look and see” break. The tiny garden I have may be small but each day, it has a surprise. Today, a small sunflower plant gave me its first hint of yellow in its first sunflower. A white butterfly flitted from flower to flower. Water in a big old mayonnaise bottle filled with water and teabags is becoming golden. . . solar tea. I stand and watch the butterfly, remembering what I heard my once 12 year old son say to his friend about me.
“You gotta’ watch out for my mom when she takes you walking,” he said. “She always makes you stop and look at things. Like the bark of a tree or a leave or something.”
What a lovely compliment.
Meditation for the Day
“There is always something to make you wonder in the shape of a tree, the trembling of a leaf.” Albert Schweitzer, Medical Missionary, Musician, Philosopher
Action for the Day
There is no action for today. There is only a call to silence and observation. I will rest my spirit today and feed my soul on the beauty around me.
Laugh and the World Laughs With You
“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.” Victor Borge, American Comedian and Pianist
Ask most women what is sexy and you may find yourself surprised. When polled, most women say the best husband is one who has a good sense of humor. Did you ever notice that even just hearing other people laugh makes us feel good? I have a theory. I think that happiness is so closely associated with laughter that we feel happy whenever we laugh – or even just hear happy laughter.
Children’s laughter is especially warming. A basketball hoop and small playground are near my home and youngsters’ laughter punctuates every day. Teens’ around the hoop and laughter of little ones running in games bring back memories of my own Hopscotch days and remind me that life has, as always, lots of innocence in it.
One evening, as I sit reading, I hear laughter wafting through my open window. A family who lives nearby has out of town family members visiting. They sit on a nearby porch; as the evening goes on; their chatter is occasionally interrupted by huge waves of hearty laughter. You know, the kind that comes with reviews of past family gaffes.
Their family laughter reminds me of a day when I was a small child. We were visiting an uncle who was a baker. Each day, Uncle Tony returned home with long crisp loaves of bread tucked under his arm. This day, my grandfather sat under a bird cage. My grandmother jokingly took a loaf of the bread and tapped Grandpa Ralph sharply over the head. It was dry stale bread. It broke into a hundred pieces, crumbs flying everywhere! Grandpa Ralph jumped up, hit the cage, and accidentally set the bird free! Everyone raced to catch “Tweetie” but we were all laughing so hard we had a tough time putting Tweetie back in his cage. We laughed so hard we were exhausted by the time we left Uncle Tony’s home. It was a great day.
Meditation for the Day
“Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.”
Action for the Day
From now on, I’ll look for the laughs in life; large ones and small ones. Mine and others’.
How Can I Live My Life if I Don’t Like Me?
“The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me courage to face life cheerfully have been kindness, beauty, and truth.” Albert Einstein, Physicist, theories of relativity, Nobel Prize for Physics
Three elderly ladies sit on their porches in their summer dresses, watching as the man digs out the earth. They sit quietly, each in her own thoughts. They are disturbed thoughts, not the happy thoughts they deserve to have in their advanced ages.
The sight of the man digging is disturbing because they are decent, kind women and what they were watching is the theft of another elderly woman’s garden. It is particularly disturbing because they dare not protest. The theft of rose bushes they see ripped out, the raw dirt space that is all that is left pains them. Three newly planted large shrubs designed to fill both adjoining garden spaces stand as testimony to a kind of rape. The three women feel horror, pity, and sadness for their new neighbor who will arrive to find her garden gone – torn up, replanted, usurped.
A community bully, whose wrath the women fear, is stealing the garden space; she hired the man they watch to make it hers before the legitimate owner arrives. It is a dastardly act none of them would consider doing. The three church ladies, Christians all, are appalled.
And the bully? Patricia feels powerful. However, Patricia misses the point and tragically may always miss the point. Anyone can bully and do violence to their community and to others. However, each time Patricia “wins”, she loses. For blocks around, her reputation as a bully goes before her. She imagines herself queen of the area; instead, she is despised. She wants to be adored, revered by all; instead, she is held in contempt.
No one has to be a Patricia. As you offer kindness, beauty and truth to others, you learn to love and not hate — and it is mostly self-hatred that drives the Patricia’s of the world.
Meditation for the Day“
According to the karma of past actions, one’s destiny unfolds. . .” Unknown
Action for the Day
Today, and each day, I will be kind to someone; be honorable in my dealings with others; and choose not to harm anyone in any way. For their sakes — and for mine.
Reaching Out
“Being strong means knowing when you need help, and knowing how to reach out to others for it.” www.advicesisters.com
The best of AA or NA or Alanon meetings offer the chance to reach out to others without shame or criticism. The worst break confidentiality, some interrupt while someone is sharing their story and some may patronize young members.
I can hear some members screaming “foul”. “No criticism allowed” seems to be the rule in some groups. But AA isn’t a cult; it’s a self help group where members must trust and respect one another. One other blessing it brings is that it helps practice social skills.
Reaching out can be a generous, kindly act. It can also be an act so self centered that you don’t realize the other person is even there. But anyone can learn social skills. Let’s look at Terry and Jard, both under thirty. Both are alcoholics in recovery.
Movin’ On
“When the door of happiness closes, another opens. But often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.” Unknown
Obsessive lovers are the perfect example of this bit of wisdom. Have you ever ended a relationship—or the other person ended it – and all you can think about, talk about, complain about, cry about, is that person? You pick at the details like a kid picking at a scab. Your friends try to change the subject, not realizing that you have only one subject to your name. They finally tell you to “let go, move on.” For God’s sake, enough already.
And while you are in the obsessive stage, your entire life is on hold. Worse, you’re wearing blinders like those horses they lead from fires. George Clooney could be flirting outrageously with you and you would never even see he’s there. Halle Berry might be asking for your help with a flat tire and you will give it but later you’ll remark how she was wearing your ex-gal’s perfume!
Let’s move back a few years. Andrea was in a committed relationship with a man she adored. Loved. Worshiped. Lived with happily. Then Mike got himself a stalker. A very young pretty stalker. She wanted this guy and had no qualms about saying so, acting so, even right on the couple’s doorstep. The young man was not exactly chasing her away. One evening, Andrea returned unexpectedly from a visit back home in Georgia. Mike and his eager stalker were cuddled in — Andrea and Mike’s bed! Andrea left but obsessed about Mike and their life together. He begged her to return and she refused. Still, she put her life on hold for weeks, months, and then years. She couldn’t imagine anyone else as charming, as funny, as sexy. So although she and Mike never became a couple again, they weren’t a forever after couple with anyone else either. They were stuck in yesterday. This is an extreme example. But suppose Andrea had just packed it in, crossed Mike off as a dead end, and moved on?
Would she then have “seen” the other men who without question were interested in her along the way? Would she now have four children and a happy home?
We can stay stuck in yesterday staring at that closed door or we can cross off the impossible situations as just that – impossible — and move on. Which do you do?
Meditation for the Day
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson
Action for the Day
From now on, whenever happiness leaves my life, instead of staring hopelessly and obsessively at the closed door, I’ll search carefully and patiently for the one that’s opening. The happiness I find may be different – but it may be far richer.
Living the Life
“You play the hand you’re dealt. I think the game’s worthwhile.” Christopher Reeve
Dustin Hoffman played the most unlikely hero in America in the film “Heroes.” He’s so unlikely that you land up in hysterics – while knowing that he’s right when he asks his bartender, “Look, if someone told you I went on a burning airplane and saved all those people, would you believe it?” Both men nod sadly. “I ain’t the type.”
But who is the type? That’s what this little gem asks. What does it take to be a hero?
When a youngster has been so full of pain he self-medicates himself to numb out, then stands up and takes a vow to turn his life around, and does it, that’s pretty heroic. Going down is easy. Climbing up against all odds is a lot tougher.
When a little girl of thirteen cuts her legs until blood runs down them because it distracts her from the massive inner pain she’s struggling with — and then works very hard to heal herself, that kind of perseverance is heroic.
If a poor kid with no family money behind him or her works at McDonald’s or the local garage and goes to school at night to get some education, wow, that’s heroic.
My dearest male friend, a police officer named Tommy, was one of a family of 13 children. Tragically, his dad left the family after the 13th birth. His mom, with the help of her church, raised her brood as a single mom. Against all odds, each child got a college education. As each went into the work world, he or she began to contribute to younger brothers and sisters. Tommy wore holey – and certainly holy – socks to save money to send his family. He was totally dedicated to his siblings’ survival.
Only once did Tommy speak of his father. Asked which life memory he would choose to take to eternity with him, he stood in front of Washington’s Union Station, water fountains a musical background and replied softly: “On Fridays, my father would always take me and my youngest brother for ice cream. It was always a special day. That was when my life was perfect.” If only his dad had been one of life’s heroes.
Random Acts of Kindness
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted” Aesop, author of Aesop’s Fables
Love and Food
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” Calvin Trillin cartoonist
Everywhere you look these days, you see the term “comfort food.” What’s really a hoot is that the chefs and cookbook writers are right. Depending on your early days, certain kinds of food does comfort you. If you’ve ever run to the pantry to get a bowl of cereal and cold milk at midnight, you get it. Left over pizza at 8 a.m.? Ditto.
Let’s say it’s been a hard day at work and the drive home was a rough trip. You run in the house and everyone is hungry and a bit grumpy. Quick. Grab something you liked as a kid! My favorite? Grilled cheese and tomato soup. My sweeties’ favorite? Hot cocoa and Peanut and Jelly Sandwiches. The man has a sweet tooth.
Lighten Up!
“I plan on living forever. So far, so good.” Author Unknown
Okay, this is my day for trekking my way to my best “bud’s” to open a telephone call: “Are you ready for a good joke?”
My car broke down, I’m a week behind in my work, the dog needs a year’s worth of shots, and its allergy season here. The only thing that will save me is a good giggle. This is when I wish there was another paragraph in the serenity prayer. Like one that says “And please give me a good laugh. Amen.”
Fortunately, I had a dinner guest last night who told me this story and it was a good trade. Mack, a sailor with a racing sail boat and an international reputation for winning, told me about the time he failed – three times in one race.
The Ultimate Gift
“I’ve always thought a hotel ought to offer optional small animals. I mean a cat to sleep on your bed at night, or a dog of some kind to act pleased when you come in. You ever notice how a hotel room feels so lifeless?” Anne Tyler, The Accidental Tourist
Ruby and Elmer are Golden Retrievers who earn their Kibble. Each Thursday, they put on their red and yellow uniforms and trot off to work. The two dogs visit rehabilitation hospitals and nursing homes for the elderly.
