Sea and Surf, Small Adventures
“The three great elemental sounds in nature are the sounds of rain, the sound of wind in a primeval wood, and the sound of outer ocean on a beach.” Henry Beston, naturalist and author of The Outermost House
Do you remember the first beach you ever saw when you were a little person? Do you remember how it made you feel? My most precious small adventures are memories of the feel of damp sand under my feet, the sound of waves, and the smell of the sea.
My grandparents took us as children to Coney Island. We raced bumper cars, tumbled through moving barrels and stuffed ourselves on Nathan’s hot dogs. We walked on a beach so crowded that noisy families were almost nose to nose. We loved it!
Years later, during the coldest winter ever, my best friend confessed she’d never been to Ocean City, Maryland, a few hours away. I bled for Carolyn’s deprivation. I wheedled, begged and sold her on going the very next day! We spent the day wandering a freezing cold deserted beach – well, deserted except for six people and one large dog.
Later, we rented beat up old houses in Ocean City, Md. and Rehoboth Beach, Delaware for two weeks each summer. Once, Carolyn and I took my eight year old youngster and his classmate with us. Each day they got $1.00 allowance. They seriously discussed when to spend their dollars – and how to get more. We later learned they spent hours daily searching every telephone/game money slot on the boardwalk. They found enough to spend their last day at the miniature golf course, feeling they said, like Big Shots.
I was alone on Sanibel Island, Florida, right after a huge storm hit the Island. It sent miles of seaweed and shells from the deep ocean in to us. We all spent weeks in the Sanibel Stoop, bent over searching the thick seaweed for rare and beautiful shells.
To me, there’s no beach like an American beach.
Meditation for the Day
“Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think.” Robert Henri
Action for the Day
Today, I’ll consider small adventures. One day away from my usual life is a mini vacation. Where are my favorite sights and smells? Wherever they are, I can spend even just a few hours there and I will come back refreshed and feeling new again.
How to say no to a workplace bully
“Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.” Benjamin Disraeli
Throughout America, we are hearing horrific stories about bullying: it’s already led to school massacres and suicides. It’s fast becoming a major health issue. Sadly, shame is ineffective. Bullies come in a number of flavors. Here are a few methods that have worked with garden variety workplace bullies.
The Bulldozer: He or she shouts, insults, intimidates, and will do anything to get their own way. They ignore every defense or request for rational sane behavior so the Broken Record is one way to deal with this hot potato. Just keep repeating your sane reply.
A colleague returns from the firm library. She’s on a very tight deadline. The Bulldozer suddenly appears shouting: Marie! I thought you were going to help me (fix a personal computer glitz)
Marie: “Today is Friday. I told you I had to finish my report by Friday. I’ve helped you but now I have to finish my report.” Penny: “Well, I need your help now”. Marie repeats, “This is Friday, remember? I am on deadline. I will be able to help you next week.” Penny presses her lips together in anger but leaves.
The Sniper: Each time Penny sees Amy, Penny tells Amy ugly gossip being said about Amy by others.
Which is the sniper? The gal who says ugly things about Amy or Penny who repeats them to Amy each day? After four days of an obvious pattern, Amy asks Penny:”And why is it that I need to hear this?”
That at least deflected this bully’s program of passive aggressiveness.
The Weasel: He bullies his target then plays the Who Me? Card. A young glass designer was twice humiliated in front of 200 workers by a male worker who whistled an anti-female theme each time she passed his workbench. The second time it happened, the young woman went to her antagonist, smiled and asked, “Were you calling me?” He mockingly replied, “Who, Me? No.” Cecile took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye and said, “Well, the next time I pass, I want you to whistle the Star Spangled Banner so there will be no confusion. Do you understand me?” He never played the “bully the female boss” game again.
Please see this website for online anti-bullying courses for children and their parents. http://pathwayscourses.samhsa.gov/bully/bully_fs.htm
Meditation for the Day
“A lot of people are afraid to say no. That’s where toughness comes into play. Toughness is not being
a bully. It’s having backbone.” Robert Kivosaki, bio
Action for the Day
Today, I’ll rehearse how I’m going to handle bullying of me or mine, rehearse my responses and be prepared.
Lessons Wolfie Taught Me
“Properly trained, a man can be a dog’s best friend.” Corey Ford, humorist and writer, New Yorker, Vanity Fair, etc.
I never planned to have a dog. In fact, I resisted. I told myself, my work is too demanding; a dog is too much trouble; they cost too much. Then I walked into a pet store – for a bird – and there he was, the doggie in the window. Minutes later, we walked out, bound together for the rest of our lives. I’m glad he’s smarter than I am. I badly needed training.
Life Lessons from Wolfie:
Don’t be selfish and forgive a lot. Things are not as precious as love and what belongs to you belongs to me. I chewed up your only pair of soft as butter stilettos from Spain and sliced and diced the earpieces on your new designer eyeglasses. It took me two dog kisses and a snuggle for you to get over it. That was pretty good for us both.
If you want to train your latest beau, remember how you trained me: Lots and lots of praise, all his favorite treats, and great massages. P.S. And always use a very long leash.
Touch those you love every chance you get. Pretty words are terrific but nothing speaks louder about love than touch.
Fresh air and exercise always make you feel better. So does a long nap with your loved one.
Be patient with each other. Don’t jump too fast. We all have our own rhythms; we all need patience and gentle responses.
You are never too old to play.
Meditation for the Day
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”
Action for the Day
My dog will be faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. He deserves the same in response. I will never abuse him. I will not hit him, starve him, teach him to bite others, or feed him liquor or medicines meant for humans. I will keep him clean, properly sheltered, well fed, and invest in vet fees when necessary. If funds are low, I will check a local SPCA for clinic care. I will not abandon my friend on the side of a road but take him to a shelter, preferably a no-kill one. I will love him as he has loved me.
Comfort Living
“Try to be like the turtle — at ease in your own shell.” Bill Copeland, scientist, mathematician, super geek, poet
Did you ever wake up one morning and feel as if everything is right in place, that you’re just in a relaxed and pleased moment? That’s contentment.
Have you ever walked in the woods and a rabbit crosses your path and suddenly you feel at peace and at one with everything? That’s contentment.
But it’s more than just a passive state of mind, reminds yoga experts. Contentment, they say, is a virtue that can be developed. It can help us calm our minds from the effects of all of life’s emotions.
Waking up with my dog curled over my knee brings me contentment.
My son David is in a state of contentment every time he looks at his lovely two daughters and beloved wife whom he calls his soul mate.
My friend Amy has found contentment in an old second hand bicycle she discovered in a local Goodwill thrift shop. She hasn’t ridden in decades but now whenever she feels stressed, she hops on her red flying machine and makes a two block journey . . . in perfect contentment. Even her amusement at her own wobbly knees pleases her. When two construction workers watched her wobble her way down the block yesterday, she called out over her shoulder, “Don’t laugh; I’ll faaaaaaaall.” and roared with laughter later at her own vision of her bobbly ride and her wobbly knees.
Ellie finds her contentment in her church and its many social events.
Jody has three grandchildren for whom she knits sweaters, caps, mittens, smiling through each stitch.
To each our own path to contentment. It’s there, just waiting for us. Being satisfied with what we have doesn’t mean we are “settling”: we can still move on, grow, have ambitions. Being pleased with our present state doesn’t nail us to it; instead, contentment gives us the gift of comfort. Contentment is comfort food for our souls.
Meditation for the Day
“When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near
contentment.”
Action for the Day
Today, I’ll permit myself to be comfortable in my own skin, my own life, wherever I may be on the continuum from now to tomorrow.
I may not be perfect but . . .
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserves your love and affection.” Buddha
It took me a long time to believe that. At age six, I lost both parents. At seven, I was in an auto accident. My nickname all through grammar/high school was Hanger Nose. I had my nose repaired at age 19 and fortunately, self esteem changes over time. Even better, its health or lack of is not written in stone.
Two things can affect our self esteem: how we see ourselves – or how others see or treat us. Sometimes our closest people spend more time criticizing than praising us or our own inner voice keeps picking at us. Sometimes, our inner voice copies those other voices. Nemours Foundation suggests these ways to improve our self esteem:
Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. Start thinking about positive aspects of yourself. Each day, write down three things you like about you. ∞Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection; think about what you’re good at and what you enjoy, and go for it. ∞View mistakes as learning opportunities; everyone excels at different things — it’s what makes people interesting. ∞Try new things. Recognize what you can change and what you can’t. If it’s something you can’t change (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way you are. ∞ Set goals. Think about what you’d like to accomplish, then make a plan for how to do it. ∞ Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don’t be afraid to voice them. ∞ Make a contribution. Volunteer your time in some way. ∞ Exercise! You’ll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier. ∞ Have fun NOW. Don’t wait until tomorrow. Relax and have a good time — and avoid putting your life on hold.
Sometimes, it takes a little help to grow self esteem. If you can’t turn to anyone you know, call a teen or adult crisis hotline (check the yellow pages under social services). The most important thing is to get help if you feel like your self-esteem is affecting your life. (My life guide was therapist Sarah W. who made great tea and was a super listener.)
Meditation for the Day
“The mind is everything. What you think, you become.” Buddha
Action for the Day
Today, I’ll remind me: “I may not be perfect but parts of me are excellent.”
Never hang out with anyone crazier than you
“I just do not hang around anybody that I don’t want to be with. Period. For me, that’s been a blessing, and I can stay positive. I hang around people who are happy, who are growing, who want to learn, who don’t mind saying sorry or thank you… and [are] having a fun time. John Asaaraf, life coach
My mom was a slick chick, a smart cookie, a whiz kid in her day. I know because one day, while chatting about a fellow I was dating who was captivating, charming — and as mad as a hatter, she looked up and said, “Never hang out with someone crazier than you are.” I moaned and groaned: “Ohhhh, Mom. What does That mean?”
And then we howled with laughter because we both knew exactly what she meant.
Jerry is a twin; his brother Wayne graduated from the US Navy Academy leads an ordered life and is working his way up the military ladder. His small apartment is as neat as a priest’s quarters.
Jerry, on the other hand, is totally unpredictable and lives with his two small sons in a huge old house filled with clutter and debris. He’s as manipulative as an illusionist. He cares even less about how his behavior affects others. He survives on wit and charm. Did I mention he is boyishly handsome?
Late an hour? He has the most amazing tales to tell why.
Jobs? He gets them easily and loses them as quickly. Asked, he shrugs and brushes it all off with “I had a better idea.” He arrives at a formal dinner looking as if he fell out of a city dumpster. Once asked why, he replied with a cutesy quip about people who dress from cookie cutter catalogues. The man is 37 years old.
Mom is right. The payoff is always short on substance and long on opportunism. But what he achieves most is this: He plays the tune and others dance.
My mom was asking me: Who is the crazier – the leader or the follower?
Meditation for the Day
“There is just one life for each of us: our own.” Euripides
Action for the Day
If I want to be happy in my life, I will seek companions who are healthy, growing, learning, respectful of others – and having a sane good time.
Thank you for my body
Bless that which you want. If you see a person with a beautiful home, bless that person and bless that home. If you see a person with a beautiful car, bless that person and bless that car. If you see a person with a beautiful body, bless that person and bless their body. T. Ecker, author, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind
It took me some time to understand the quote above. One evening, my friend Amy and I began to discuss envy and the role it plays in too many folk’s lives . . . in our lives.
I began to understand Ecker’s words. If you are busy envying or feeling jealous about some one else’s good fortune, you block your own. In other words, you can either identify with their good fortune — and that inspires you to act as if it is going to be yours — or you can see them as out there and you somewhere in a lesser place.
Amy described how she helped a photographer beau at his studio and one day, in came a beautiful gal – a runner up for Miss America he was going to photograph. On the other side of the photography studio’s black curtain, she could only hear their conversation.
He said, “Ms. XXX, please go in there and change into your bathing suit.”
“Yes, I will. Thank you,” replied the beauty queen.
As the dressing room door opened and the girl returned, Amy heard Joe say, “Wow!” and he dropped his camera. Amy said she wasn’t jealous; she just quietly chuckled.
Years ago, I lived in the Rehearsal Club, a dormitory style home for female performers. We included Radio City Music Hall Rockettes, their Ballerina Corps, models, dancers, singers, actresses, even a circus performer. Carol Burnett lived there at one time. By necessity, we learned to bless other young women’s dreams and achievements; it enabled us to expect similar success and fulfillment. We blessed their bodies because it helped us bless our own.
I learned to appreciate my strong legs, good coordination, good eyesight, and acceptable hearing.
Now my hearing is less perfect but I still appreciate my strong legs, acceptable eyesight and my good memory. And oh, yes, my thick hair. I still cannot ride a bicycle; I still cannot climb trees; I do not swim like Flipper — but boy, do I appreciate the rest!
Meditation for the Day
Thank you, body, for how well your parts work — and thank you, body, for those that work well enough. I don’t need to be angry with less; it is all this wonderful me.
Action for the Day
Today, I’ll consider my body. Which parts do I appreciate the most?
To a Different Drummer
“Remove the rock from your shoe rather than learn to limp comfortably.” Stephen Paul, bio
I decided today that of all my neighbors, Ellen inspires me the most. Ellen, a veteran of the spiritual “church” 70s movements and advocate of past lives and New Age references, is what Mom once called “a free spirit.”
Ellen wraps herself in gypsy like colors and shapes, red striped eyeglass frames and headbands personally created from old sweaters or other creative “findings”. Sometimes she adds dangly necklaces, purple boots and fedora hats tipped over one eye. All in all, she regularly offers what Mom would call a “fascinating” appearance.
As time passed and I began to know her, I began to see Ellen’s practical side – and one day, I woke up in a paradigm shift. You know; those times when all you thought about a situation or person unexpectedly makes a 180 degree turn! I woke up one morning realizing that Ellen is the most centered person I’ve met lately.
Ellen, who looks and sounds like Goldie Hawn in her earlier films, is as stable as the local reverend. And as decent a human being. She greets every one she meets with sweetness and warmth. Ellen’s comments about others are always generous and kind. She cares for her elderly father. She spends almost every day enthusiastically attending her Unitarian church’s many events; if not, she dons her bicycle helmet and whizzes around town, chalking up new experiences, hours away from the tiny cottage she shares with her cat Fizzy Bell.
By her goodness and absolute faith in her right to live her life as she wishes, Ellen offers me welcome inspiration.
Meditation for the Day
“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” Henry David
Thoreau
Action for the Day
Today, I will spend some quiet time thinking of who I am, who I want to be, and how I get from here to there.
America’s Special Heroes: Daddies
“The love of a father is one of nature’s greatest masterpieces.” Unknown
Two young men both named David, who have been in my life for decades are my personal heroes. Did they invent the wheel? No. Turn away floods? No. Stop tornados? No. They did even better. David B and David N get no ticker tape parades, no presidential medals; no network interviews. But they are two of the most loving, caring, careful, touched and touching fathers I’ve ever known.
“Father” is such a huge word. It means so much; it requires so much.
Both David’s are hands-on fathers; diapers to them are challenges of perfection. I laughed when I was asked to pass inspection on diapering – warm wash-up cloth, warm fresh diaper; exact powdering. The only thing missing was the camcorder tutorial!
Both David’s cuddle, laugh, praise, encourage independence and teach every chance they get. Most of all, they are so pleased, so delighted, so happy, so amazed to have children that the feat seems as miraculous to them as birth really is!
Both men became fathers at 40; one had sworn to never marry. However, David B’s fatherhood is celebrated every moment by him. David N’s fatherhood accompanied a second marriage; the couple struggled through a miscarriage to eventual parenthood.
Both men are smart, hardworking, decent men, tied at the heart to their young families. Both men were raised by single mothers. Both men were taught to be independent as children. Both men were encouraged to excel.
However, all over America, fathers, raised in all kinds of families, of all ages, are now heroes of their own families. If they are very lucky, they spend their lives basking in the warmth of their families’ love and appreciation for their daily heroic acts. And for the wonderful gifts they give their children: love, laughter, a home, food and safety, and hearts’ Comfort. Hurrah for all fathers who work at being fathers.
Meditation for the Day
“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”
Action for the Day
Today I will say thank you to my dad for love, safety and his guiding hand.
Faith: Yours, Mine and Theirs
“To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.” St. Thomas Aquinas
I was thinking today about the many faiths there are in our world and how they affect us. They bring us hope and mysteries and love – and they bring us war and havoc and hatred. Our choice.
My family was neither religious nor attended church regularly. On the other hand, like a small tree with seeking roots, my yearnings went out to a faith my family would never have understood — my best friend’s faith, Catholicism.
As years went on, I made up for lost time, as they say. I first attended Catholic masses with my best friend, Joan. Christmas Eve was spent with her family at Midnight mass, then at her house for family breakfast.
In the Navy, I attended services with friends at the base’s Mormon (Latter Day Saints) services . . . and for long years after, did the same in various cities. I had the pleasure of visiting the Mormon Tabernacle in Washington, DC with a special Mormon friend.
Latter, I fell in love with the Quaker faith and happily attended Friends’ Meeting House in Washington, DC for over 13 years.
My roommates through the years have been Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, non denominational faiths and in-between. Acquaintances include all of the above plus two female Muslims.
What I’ve learned is that all faiths have similarities that outweigh their differences. Each world faith has within it the seeds of love, compassion, justice, and trust. Each faith leads us to who we become. And each faith can be misinterpreted, or worse, used to justify prejudice, narrowness, injustices and hatred. If we attend services, faithfully read the Bible of our faith, whatever it may be, then go into the world and cheat, lie, steal and slander other faiths, are we being faithful to our own?
Just thinking aloud.
Meditation for the Day
“Faith is not without proof, but [it is] trust without reservation.”
Action for the Day
Today, I’ll Google a few sites based on different faiths, take a deep breathe and compare my own faith with theirs – always seeking for similarities, not differences. Knowing more may expand my understanding – and tolerance of others’ faiths.
