Children and Love

June 10, 2010 · Filed Under Insights

“Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently.” Chinese Proverb

For a long time, I believed I was a failure as a mom. My mea culpa list included:

• Losing my temper and sometimes screaming at my only child;

• When angry, telling my precious son to “stop acting like you’re walking under water” instead of just “hurry up” because sarcasm is especially cruel.

• Getting angry when C. said his father (with deep pockets) always bought him what he wanted and I didn’t. The fact is that I bought my son what he needed and that was good enough and I wish I hadn’t let myself feel belittled by that.

• Allowing him to go live with his father at age 16; neither was ready for that.

• Once paddling him on the butt with a ping pong paddle. My son hid it immediately; we didn’t find it until we moved and it tumbled off the top of a very tall bookcase. Hitting someone smaller than

I was made me feel like a rat.

Then my son married and became a father and I see his incredible love for his family and perfect hands-on fathering and I think of what I gave him that was good.

• He has a tremendous work ethic; we ate out each Fridays to celebrate my weekly pay check. That taught him how important it was to have a job.

• He has a wonderful sense of humor – I am a sucker for laughter.

• He is fair and even tempered. In spite of instead of because of.

• He is resourceful. He was raised by a single mom who learned how to be a survivor so we could be survivors.

• He is highly creative and confident; I attended art college while a single mom; C. sometimes went to class with me and, at age five, once critiqued my fellow artists’ work with confidence as they listened respectfully.

• My son is a pragmatic adventurer. We would take off on small adventures fueled with silly guidelines like “How far can we go on a Trailways bus for $10.00?”

I loved him and let him know he is the light of my life. I now believe that most of us all do our best and one day all of us, kids and all, realize that we are good enough.

Meditation for the Day

“Life, love, and laughter - what priceless gifts to give our children.” Phyllis Dryden

Children and Love

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