Forgive others. Forgive yourself.
Making amends to others is easy. Forgiving yourself is much more difficult. Lane Brandon
My first roommate invited a handsome male to our small apartment one night. I must have monopolized his time because that night, as I lay half asleep, I heard all this noise coming from the kitchen. Smash, Crash, Bang. I finally shouted out, “What are you doing out there, Gail? She shouted back, “I’m mad so I’m breaking dishes.” I shouted to her, “Well, breaking dishes won’t help.”
She shouted back, “Yes, it will. They’re your dishes.” The next morning, there was a note on the kitchen table. It said, “Nobody’s perfect except thee and me – and sometimes I doubt thee.” I laughed out loud. They were only dishes.
On the other hand, I struggle and squirm daily with the guilt of a single act of mine and relive it over and over again. Now, why is that? Why do I forgive someone else so easily and refuse to forgive myself?
Nathaniel Brandon, PhD, (unrelated) a leading self esteem expert, deals with this question daily with patients and his own self growth. In his book, “How to Raise Your Self Esteem,” he addresses the why and the how of forgiving oneself.
“When our actions are congruent (in sync) with our professed values, we have integrity,” says Dr. Brandon. How to forgive oneself demands examining what we did.
Do you own your act or are you still making excuses for it? Are you able to be honest about why you did it? To forgive oneself, it means making amends in the fullest sense –and making a decision to improve your behavior. It also requires looking at the circumstances that led to the actions and your choices then. One exercise he suggests is to imagine a beloved person doing the same thing and then looking at how you feel about that person. Could you forgive them? Do you feel compassion for that person but not yourself in that same or similar situation?
Meditation for the Day
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mohandas K. Gandhi
Action for the Day
Today, I’ll examine what is making me feel guilty. I’ll admit my act to myself; I’ll make amends; I’ll create – on paper — a plan to change my behavior. And I’ll work to understand the circumstances of my acts so that I may forgive myself.
[ ]
Comments
Leave a Reply
