Good Mourning
“He, who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery. Author of The Little Prince
Black satin ribbon festoons trail long streamers from her door’s lamp. Ancient sepia photos are attached to her front door. The father she has been protecting, caring for, visiting daily in the local nursing home, died this morning.
Tradition sustains us on these occasions. It touched me that this woman who says she has no interest or respect for her Mediterranean culture, instinctively used the trappings of her father’s Mediterranean culture to signal her distress.
In most cultures, family members, neighbors, and friends bring food to the mourning. Some cultures have times of viewing of the open casket and its contents; others bury their dead within days… or hours.
As our neighbors make a path to her door, carrying fruit, cake, flowers, I remember my own family’s deaths. . . and the goodbyes that accompanied them. My multicultural family combined floral wreaths on our door, an open casket viewing (I always thought the traditional statement “He looks really good” a bit bizarre), ghost stories, and a huge feast and small glasses of whiskey for the men following the viewing.
None of this is for the dead; it’s for us, the mourners. Funeral rituals are bridges from terrible loss to acceptance. I was once asked to speak at a funeral for a 14 year old who shot and killed himself — an unthinkable act. I chose to talk about his talent and sense of humor and the joy he brought everyone – we celebrated his life. Young classmates heaped small gifts around the base of his closed coffin.
They chose to dress in black — and hugging each other, they wept quietly in corners. And then they went to a second room where they were served coffee and delicious pastries.
I walked to my neighbor’s door with my favorite poem about mourning and home made chocolate cupcakes because chocolate, I am convinced, is comfort food.
Meditation for the Day
“Of permanent mourning there is none; no cloud remains fixed. The sun will shine to-morrow.”
Action for the Day
Today, if death visits my life, I will take the time to mourn in my way, at my pace, until finally, I am ready to once again seek the sun.
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