My parents, who are they?
“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.” Oscar Wilde
And sometimes they even learn to know their parents.
Parents think they know their children. Yet it may be years before they learn some of their children’s secrets that would have turned their hair snow white overnight had they heard them earlier.
Children buy into the superficial with their parents: A father yells; his son says “He doesn’t love me.” A mother says No; her daughter says, “She doesn’t love me.” Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe each one just doesn’t know the other.
My friend Sally has a teen aged son. He is independent, busy and rarely holds conversations with his mother which secretly hurts her feelings. One day, while chatting with his friend, she shared a little story about herself that happened when she was a teen. The boy was fascinated. When the two boys headed for the door, her son said to Sally with some annoyance, “I never knew that about you. Why didn’t you tell me?” She answered frankly, and more than a little surprised, “Why, I didn’t think you were interested in hearing it.”
How much do you know about your parents? Practice a little home journalism. Take notes: What did they want to be when they were your age? What was the worse mistake they made when they were 12? 16? 20? What was the nicest thing that ever happened to them? What secret did they ever keep from their parents? What happened when their father or mother found out? What did they like best about their parents? What did they dislike most about their parents? Knowing is the first step towards appreciating someone — or forgiving them. Or both.
Meditation for the Day
“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Monk, Activist and Writer
Action for the Day
I will set a goal to learn about my parents’ lives; their hopes, their dreams and their parents’ lives and their dreams. And then I will give some thought to what those things and people might have meant to my parents then. And now. And if it’s necessary, I will forgive them. On the other hand, I may want to apologize.
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